Recently, I have seen so many fellow mothers put themselves down, put down their partners, and just whine about EVERYTHING. I’ll admit, I’ve had my days where I felt less than human and only wanted to stay in bed all day. Most people have those days. But seriously, is your life really that bad?
You feel like a bad mother because your kid won’t sleep.
You feel like a bad mother because you aren’t breastfeeding.
You feel like a bad mother because your baby doesn’t want to be put down.
You feel like a bad mother because someone else said that your kid is “behind.”
YOU ARE A GREAT MOTHER. Being mom is not a competition. Sure, you feel like you could be doing better, but who hasn’t felt this way? Everyone has their own way of parenting. There is no right or wrong way to parent. As long as you are giving your child all the love she needs, who cares what other’s think? I know I don’t! I breastfeed, I babywear, and I do things my OWN way. People tell me how envious they are of me. Don’t envy me! I have my own problems too. I’m not perfect! I am absolutely willing to answer questions and help people in any way I can. If people criticize you because you aren’t doing what THEY think you should be doing, ignore them. If ignoring it is hard, fake it ’til you make it. Don’t respond to their criticisms. Wait a bit before you respond. Be rational and don’t fly off at the rails. You are an amazing mom. If you don’t believe it, just look at your kid…I bet they KNOW your are the best.
Your partner did something you didn’t like.
Your partner won’t talk or listen to you.
Your partner doesn’t make enough time for the baby.
Your partner is acting strange since the baby has arrived.
YOUR PARTNER IS TRYING THEIR BEST. This is tough. I get it. Your partner isn’t a mind reader. Your partner may be working all the time and who can blame them for wanting to relax when they get home? Even if it is just texting when you can’t talk face to face, start a dialogue. When they get home, you can continue the conversation. If you don’t put in the effort, they won’t. If you try, they will try. If you put your foot down, of COURSE they will make time for conversation with you. Just don’t be an asshole about it. Seriously. I know some of you are saying, “but I’m nice about it! What does this girl know?” You may not think that you are being mean but sometimes it may come off as a little rude. You’re tired. You’ve been home all day with the baby or even babIES. Check the tone. If your partner does something you don’t like, tell them…nicely. If need be, gently remind them. Leave a note. It can’t hurt. Your partner may have limited weekday time with the kids and make up for it on the weekends. You can’t fault them for not having enough hours in the day for everything. In my home, my husband works a lot. Sometimes he is just home for bedtime. They have their own bedtime routine. That little bit of time is him making time for the baby. Something like that may work for you. If you feel your partner is acting strange since a new member of the family came along, are you sure that they just don’t feel replaced? All of your love is now funneled into this new life and you are blinded to everything! Your partner might not really be acting so strange. :)
Something didn’t go your way.
Someone looked at you wrong.
Your stack of papers fell
The dinner didn’t come out how you expected.
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. Every once in a while, things go awry. That is expected. Even with me…my life is far from perfect. Whining about every single little thing will not fix it! Venting can be great. I mean hey, that’s part of the reason why I have this blog. But if you are whining about everything to the point that people don’t want to be around you, reevaluate things in your life. Are you so focused on the bad that you are missing out on the good things around you? Even the little things? I tried a “No Whining Wednesday” in some forums that I participate in to see how it would go. FAIL. A few people discussed good things that happened but overall the tone was negative. I might try it again next week. I think that finding the good things makes you feel better. Emotions are contagious…spread happiness people!!
When things seem hopeless and everything seems like it is spiraling out of control, look down at your baby and know that YOU ARE AMAZING.