The 52 Project

The 52 Project || Year of Me: 6/52

I didn’t go to the Y three days last week but I did workout three days so ✅. I didn’t even attempt a meal plan ❌ because #lazy. I don’t feel like planning our dinners in advanced to help me out on my days off. No goals this week. This is my long work week so I’ll be working out just twice.

Picture of Me, The 52 Project

The 52 Project || Year of Me: 4/52

Special thanks to my sister for accurately capturing my thoughts on David’s Bridal

Y’all. After my first experience with them, I have decided that David’s Bridal is the worst. The woooooorrrrst. Specifically the store I visited in Hampton, VA. I went into the store expecting them to at least have a dress in or close to my size to try on. They have the style in store so they should at least have something in a wide variety of sizes since basically everything needs to be ordered anyway right??? WRONG. My sister told them the style because it was in the appointment information and I told them I want to try on the size 24 in the one shoulder style. Well they didn’t have that, but they had a 20 in the halter style. Whatever I’ll try it on though that size is too small. As we guessed, it didn’t fit and it wasn’t even the right style so I was annoyed. So after about an hour of my kids running around in their dresses that they were trying on as well, the attendant came back with a dress in the correct style but in a size 16!!!!!!! YALL. A 16. I haven’t seen 16 since well before I got married. I humored them and tried it on anyway to see where it would stop coming up. Yep it didn’t get past my shoulders (see picture). They said “try it on and we can measure you.” LMFAO. I ended up just taking the girls with me to sit in the car. I was so over that store and that day. In the end, they just measured me so they could order the size I needed. They should have just started off with that since they knew they didn’t have my size. If the store offers in person fitting, they need to have a variety the sizes for the styles they offer. Smallest size, biggest size, and some sizes in between.

Anyways, David’s Bridal is terrible and if it weren’t for the fact that my sister is getting married and using them for dresses, I’d never set foot in that store again.

I did end the week on a positive note by getting behind AND in front of the camera. I love love love photography, especially babywearing and breastfeeding photography. I took some great pictures of myself and my girls. Check out Smitten soon to see what I’ve been up to!

Goal update: I went to the YMCA twice this past week, 3 times if I count the tour, and I listed 19 carriers!

Goals for this week: YMCA twice. DONT GET SICK.

Picture of Me, The 52 Project, update, uplifting

The 52 Project || Year of Me: 1/52

Brittany, holding a deep red latte mug with a B on it, smiles into the camera.
This mug is my favorite! It’s from bijouwear.com

This year, I will be focusing on me. Typically when I do the 52 project, I focus on everything but me. It’s usually my children or babywearing or even random things that caught my eye.  It’s all about me now!

Recently I realized that I have not been putting myself first as often as I should. I was so focused on making sure that others were taken care of that I severely neglected myself. Once I started working, I realized that people started to resent me because I was too busy to check in with them as often as I had been before. It really made me sit back and reflect on these friendships. Was I receiving any support when it came to my mental health and life problems or was I just allowing myself to become their mental dumping ground? Were they even sharing my joy when I told them good news? NOPE. Did they even get that I was trying to put myself first? NOPE. Looking back, I should have noticed this but I know that when you’re a person like me who gives and gives, there usually isn’t anyone there to even notice that things are different with you until you go into a complete meltdown.

ANYWAYS

In 2018, I will be focusing on wellnessI will say no to things that I don’t want to do. I will do things that make me happy. I will do all the things I love to do. I will take care of ME. I will be selfish. I will make sure that I am putting myself first. I will fight for others less. I will fight for myself more.

I will just be me.

I have other goals for the year as well that all focus around wellness and I can’t wait to share those things with you as the year goes on. Today is the end of the first day of 2018 and if today is any indication of how the year will be for me, I think it’s gonna be pretty damn great.

 

 

babywearing, Soul Mate

Soul Mate: Which Soul is for You?

As everyone should know by now, I am a HUGE FAN of Soul! The brand has a pretty fun community and the equally amazing carriers make up a decent part of my collection. Soul has been such an important part of my journey that I am a brand ambassador for them! I love that I can loan my carriers out to wearers of all sizes because their carriers are pretty generously sized. Have you wondered which Soul carrier would be a good match for you? Well let’s figure that out!

image of several colorful baby carriers strewn across a table

Continue reading “Soul Mate: Which Soul is for You?”

School, update

School Update

A couple of weeks ago in my Intro to New Media Technologies (COMM 372T) online course, there was an incident in our class Facebook group. The group is run by our instructor as an extension of the classroom. A student posted a photograph that included a person in blackface. I immediately pointed out to the person that the image was incredibly racist and offensive. She replied “I am sorry if I offended you.” I then told her that it was not just offensive to me, but to an entire people group, and that it was an inappropriate picture to share. As an attempt to help her better understand, I also included links explaining why it is considered offensive. She then deleted the post and blocked me.

I emailed our professor, Dr. Kyle Nicholas, about the situation. My email read, “Hello Dr Nicholas,Today on our class discussion (ironically since our topic is cultural appropriation) there was a post that featured a person in blackface. I was floored. That is incredibly offensive. Once I informed Erin that the picture was, in fact, offensive, she removed it and did message me another “apology” and blocked me. I don’t mind that, I just hope that it doesn’t take away from class discussion. I am informing you of the conflict because I know it is touchy and don’t want it to happen in the group again. I will include screen shots in this message of the incident as well. I am definitely still appalled and her non-apology does not sit well with me, but again, I don’t want anything else like this to happen and offend anyone else.”

 

He replied, “I didn’t see this before it came down, Brittany, but I appreciate you bringing it to my attention. I understand your reaction and I’m sorry this happened. I think taking it down quickly is probably the best response. This is the first time in the 5 years we have been using Facebook that something like this has happened…please let me know if you want to discuss this further.”  

His response to me felt dismissive and seemingly brushed the situation under the rug. I responded to his email letting him know that a simple statement to the class including some variation of, “avoid being racist” would be a great way to resolve the situation. I informed him how important it was that racism be specifically addressed to the entire class, especially because the module touched on cultural appropriation. He then posted the following statement in our class Facebook group; I felt it only vaguely addressed the incident. “One of the great things about teaching at ODU for the past 14 years is how much I have learned from students. Our diverse student body brings such a rich variety of perspectives that I often find myself needing to listen, and think, and adjust my own perspective. All learning is growth and growth can sometimes be difficult, but I wouldn’t be an educator if I didn’t believe it was absolutely vital to a life worth living.

I make a couple of assumptions about my students. 1. That everyone is here to put in their best effort, to do their best to make a positive impression as intelligent, intellectually curious and sensitive human beings. And 2. That everyone will work to respect differences in perspective and to resolve issues peacefully and respectfully. When I see conversations veering away from those principles, I feel the need to step in and issue a reminder.

We have had a couple of incidents – both in this forum and in the broader ODU community – that should make each of us pause, and listen, and consider how to best move toward understanding.

Your passions and your principles are absolutely vital to this course, to this university and to our society. Passion married to principle is the very engine of personal and social progress, and I don’t want to do anything to disrupt impassioned conversation. But I do want to remind you all that our FB page is very like an ODU classroom: we conduct ourselves according to the ODU Code of Student Conduct. Among other things, that means that we all take responsibility for our own conduct and uphold the values of “integrity, fairness, respect, community, and responsibility.”

https://www.odu.edu/about/monarchcitizenship/student-conduct

But codes are just words if we don’t let them shine through our actions.

We build the world through our words and deeds. I do believe we are building ‘collective intelligence’ via our conversations on this site. I also believe that we are learning valuable communication skills that go beyond the scope of this course. These are skills that we will need to continuously hone as we travel through life. We are all imperfect. Let us not curb our passions, but let us channel them into respectful conversation in this forum and into compassionate action in our lives.”

 

The announcement completely brushed aside the feelings of those who were offended and catered to the feelings of those who were not affected at all by the incident. This only causes more divisiveness within the class. I admit, I was naive to think that I would be protected from racist things in a school setting, but I feel that the instructor could have made it clear that racism would not be tolerated.

A separate thread was made by a student regarding the blackface incident (as it related somewhat to his curation topic for our course), and the student explained why the post was offensive to people of color. It turned into a lot of victim blaming, and people being offended by us being offended. We continued to stand our ground and defend ourselves as there was no moderation from the instructor. As this thread was going on, a different thread was made by a different student about cultural appropriation. It started off as a good discussion but quickly spiraled into a conversation where someone made snide remarks that trivialized cultural appropriation. It was offensive to another classmate (as well as myself), so I linked an article that explained the difference between cultural exchange and cultural appropriation.

Later that evening, a student made a post that explained why she was taking sides with the student that posted the photograph of a person dressed in blackface. Others in the class then joined in explaining why they, too, were taking sides and defending the post. That in itself made me seriously consider dropping the class since I now feel that it is a place where I cannot speak. It is uncomfortable to be in a class where many defend racism.

At this point Dr. Nicholas and I spoke on the telephone about the entire situation. I explained my point of view and made sure he understood why I felt offended and why I will not sit idly while people make remarks that trivialize the struggle that people of color face every single day. I also explained to him why I felt like he should have stepped into the conversations that were being had. He then asked me what should be done to “just make it all go away.” I told him that, again, making a post about the specific situation and racism would suffice since the module and topic for the class was about to change anyway.

He posted “OK. It really pains me to say this, but I’m going to have to insist that we move on from comments about race in this forum. Starting now, I’ll remove those kinds of comments.

It’s sad, because this is an extremely important topic and we have some intelligent and eloquent people in this course who can teach us all. Racism is wrong. I think we all know that. And I think we can all learn from listening to others’ perspectives and experiences. But I am ultimately responsible for the class environment and it’s clear to me from following group threads and from discussions with numerous students that the conversation around this topic is degrading that environment.

ODU has a simple contact form for those who experience harassment (linked below). As always, you can email me to begin a discussion about this or any other course topic.

I feel that this could have been a great learning experience had Dr. Nicholas been actively involved in the class forum from the beginning. Unfortunately, I now do not feel comfortable participating in the course, specifically in the course facebook group. I know that it will affect my grade since participation is a large part of our grade, but it is hard to be surrounded by people who trivialize a very real struggle that I deal with daily. I’m not sure what action needs to be taken, but I do feel that Dr. Nicholas failed to appropriately express from the beginning that racism, as a whole, will not be tolerated in the classroom.

 

I contacted my university about this incident last week and am currently still waiting on a response from them.

words

In Case You Forgot, I’m Black

In elementary school, I was oblivious to racial issues. I was in classes with mostly white people. All of my best friends were white; they were my sisters and brothers. When I was in elementary school, I rarely heard about or dealt with racial issues.

It wasn’t until middle school that I knew something was different. There was a boy who always called me horrible names and made fun of my dark skin. Who does that? At the time I wasn’t aware, but what I experienced was racism.

When I was a teenager, I loved going to the mall and stores with my mom. One notable shopping experience happened when I was 14 or 15. My mom, my sister, and I had gone to Kmart. Because I got bored easily, I usually wandered around the store alone while my mom shopped. Usually I stayed in the book section, but I was curious about makeup, so I went to that aisle to look at all the different products. You know that weird feeling you get when someone is staring at you? I had that feeling. When I looked behind me, I saw an employee turn the corner really fast. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but when I made it to the next aisle over, the employee confronted me. I’ll never forget him. He was an older white guy with grey hair around the sides, and he wore round glasses. He demanded that I open my purse. I immediately started crying. . I didn’t know why he wanted me to open my purse, but I opened it anyway. I had lip gloss, my wallet, and a book in there. He demanded that I show him a receipt for my lip gloss–My half-used lip gloss. Through my tears, I told him that it was mine and that I didn’t have a receipt because my mom bought it from the pharmacy near my house. He huffed and walked away. I ran to find my mom and stopped wandering around stores for quite a while after that. I mean, I was so scared! I didn’t even tell my mom what happened. I was THAT scared. I thought I’d done something wrong.

Fast forward to later in high school. My group of friends was more diverse, but still included a lot of white people. Often, I had friends call me names like “Oreo” or “Black-white girl” because I “acted white.” I usually laughed with my friends about it, but I’d go home and cry. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I felt like I wasn’t acting the way I was supposed to. I didn’t like the stereotypical black things and everyone pointed it out to me. In the same breath, those who called me the previously mentioned names also called me “clear.” They didn’t see me as black. What does that even mean?

All of this, among other things, led me to self-harm. I just didn’t want to be here anymore. I mean, my friends couldn’t even go a day without pointing out how different I was. I felt like a freak.

I’m now 27 and confident in my skin. I know who I am. When people tell me they don’t see color, I speak up. When people say something racist, I speak up. When people say things to me in an attempt to joke around because I’m not a “typical black girl,” I speak up. Yes, I’m black. Yes, my hair is kinky. No, you can’t touch it. When the cashier at Walmart decided that I didn’t deserve a proper greeting, but instead asked for my WIC payment information, I spoke up. When the random woman in the mall walked by and said,  “She is from Africa, look at the baby back there,” I spoke up. When the greeting card store employee followed me around the entire store, I spoke up.

I may not always share my personal struggles, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t deal with racism. I feel like people forget that I’m black. I do experience racism. I do experience judgment. Just because you’re white and you’re my friend doesn’t mean that every other white person in the world treats me the same loving way you do.

I don’t even know why I feel that I need to disprove the claims from many of my white friends who think I don’t experience racism. It’s probably because every time I post an article about racism, I get asked “Well, how does that affect you?” It’s probably because every time I post a status update about racism, I am told “Brittany, I love you, but I am tired of hearing about this all the time.” It’s probably because every time I post a picture about racism, I’m told “Hey, that is reverse racism!” Getting an insider’s view of what it is like to deal with racism in America is not an easy thing to digest. You’re not going to always want to see it. Be happy that you don’t have to live that every single day.

Hey friends? In case you forgot, I’m black.

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